


The Buzz

by equinope



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eren is a hopeless romantic, Jealousy, Levi is quiet and angry (what's new?), M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Your Typical Cafe AU, One Shot, Radio Host!Levi, barista!Eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 10:44:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7888156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/equinope/pseuds/equinope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren has a huge crush on one of his regular customers- a dark-haired, tiny-handed, velvety-voiced man named Levi. As a way to deal with his feelings, he regularly puts in requests at a radio station for the most disgusting love songs in existence. He knows he's annoying the DJ to death, he <i>knows</i>, but if it's for Levi, then he thinks it's worth it.<br/>But Eren doesn't realize that the DJ is Levi, and Levi doesn't realize that the requests are for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Buzz

**Author's Note:**

> i kinda imagine Levi’s radio personality as a mix between Levi and an HBO Ron Swanson.  
> also, Eren has gold eyes in this because gold-eyed Eren is my favorite thing.  
> that is all.
> 
> (i wrote this based off this [prompt](http://farmlandtensions.tumblr.com/post/107627596306/ereri-prompt-109-radio-requests) i found, but the post is like over a year and a half old, so i'm not gonna try to notify them or anything. hopefully this hasn't already been written!)

 

**47.**

A bell chimed as the door to the cafe creeped open, the scent of pastries and a fresh brew drifting out to mix with the morning air. The little establishment wasn't anywhere near buzzing with customers like the Starbucks down the street most likely was, but it was at its usual hum. A few droopy-eyed coffee addicts stood in line at the counter while a bright-eyed barista with a name tag reading “ _Eren_ ” took their orders. At the sound of the bell, Eren looked up from his notepad and in the direction of the door. The unnaturally tall customer he was in the middle of serving blocked most of his view. But Eren saw how the door only opened a sliver, just enough for a quiet, little man to quietly slip through, and that's all he needed. He knew who it was.

Starting exactly ten days ago, the cafe had welcomed a new regular. He was dark-haired, tiny-handed, velvety-voiced man who seemed to depend on tea to keep his heart beating. The name the baristas wrote on his cup was _Levi_ . Eren had taken his order every day since he started coming, and every day Eren pretended that he didn't remember him. But oh, how he remembered him. How could he not? No matter how little he opened the door, no matter how quietly he stepped, and no matter how low he kept his voice, the barista would still notice him. He was one of the only customers he _really_ noticed.

When Levi reached the front of the line, when Levi reached Eren, Eren had his hands gripped way too tightly around his pen and was flashing the biggest, brightest smile in the known universe.

“Good morning, sir! What can I get for you?” He asked warmly, hints of excitement and nerves breaking through the polite _customer service_ act. Levi didn't detect it though, if his unwavering lack of expression was anything to go by. “You look like you need some caffeine!”

The man glanced up from the menu laying on the counter and met Eren’s eyes briefly, a split second encounter between frigid grey and melting gold, colors matching in uniqueness alone. “Yeah, English breakfast, please. With lemon,” the man requested.

Eren nodded firmly, but with a small quirk of the lips. Levi didn't need to say he wanted lemon. Eren already knew that. He proceeded to ask the remaining necessary questions, which Levi answered quickly without ever looking up from the menu. Eren didn't understand that. He always ordered the same thing. Why did he stare at the menu so intently if he always ended up ordering the same exact thing? Why couldn't he look at Eren instead of the menu? That would be the polite thing to do. As much as the barista enjoyed being able to admire Levi without having to worry about him looking up and catching him in the act, he would really like to see his eyes more. On the surface, they appeared cold and calculating, but Eren knew there had to be something else to them. He could figure them out- he could figure _him_ out- if only the asshole would just _look at him_.

Eren kept all these thoughts to himself as he took Levi’s money. He pushed some buttons on the register. Then he pushed them again. And again. And once more. And then he brought his hands up to his head in frustration.

“The register’s jammed again, Mika!” he yelled, maybe a little too loudly for the relatively quiet cafe. One of the other baristas came rushing over, one with a name tag reading “ _Mikasa”,_ and shoved Eren out of the way a little so she could stand in front of the register. She began clawing at the till with her bare hands. Levi watched the scene with his usual blank expression, his eyes mainly falling on Eren. And Eren could feel his gaze. Why did he have to wish those things in his head? Of course he wanted the insanely alluring man to look at him, of course he did, but not right now, not when he was in a situation like this. The register had been getting jammed frequently for weeks now, and it was so far beyond annoying at this point. Eren glanced at his struggling coworker, then at the small line forming behind the object of his affections, then at the object of his affections himself, who was now glancing apathetically at the people queuing next to him. Eren was still glancing when Levi decided to return his glance to him, and pretty soon they were glancing at each other for a much longer amount of time than what could be considered a _glance_. Eren tightened his hands into fists and realized he was still holding his money. He swallowed the lump of feelings lodged in his throat and handed it back to him.

“You should probably take this back,” he said, smiling apologetically into their eye contact. “This usually takes a while. You're welcome to wait though, if you're not in any hurry.” He repeated something similar to the business people waiting in line, and all of them left with scowls dug into their faces. But Levi still stood there. Eren raised an eyebrow, a completely unapologetic smile pulling on his lips.

“I don't have anywhere to be yet,” Levi said with a shrug of his small shoulders. He leaned against the counter behind him, which was overflowing with potted plants, adjusted his white collar, and settled his hands into the pockets of his black, fitted pants. With leaves and flowers sprawling out all around his head, Eren thought he looked like some kind of model. He quickly shoved that thought into the recesses of his mind though, for his own good.

“You’re not going to be late to work?” Eren asked.

Levi shook his head.

“Oh, okay. Um,” the golden-eyed barista hesitated. This was the perfect moment. The enigmatic man was going to stand there, right across the counter, for however long it took Mikasa to fix the cash register. The two men basically had to talk. It had to be some kind of social rule. No more pretending. Eren breathed in and then sighed, leaning forward and resting his chin in the palm of his hand. “You’ve been coming here a lot lately.” He smiled, not quite allowing it to be a smirk- not yet. There was the smallest sprinkle of surprise on Levi’s face.

“So you noticed?”

Words that only belonged in shitty romance novels with shirtless, flowing-haired men on the covers were pushing to be vomited out of Eren, but he managed to keep them down. Instead, he merely said, “Of course, I always notice the regulars, especially new ones.”

“Oh, I’m a _regular_? How fancy.” Eren couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not, and it bothered him more than the cash register.

“So what made you start coming here?” the barista asked.

Levi was silent for a moment, looking down at his shoes, until finally settling for, “Fairly good tea without the fuckery of Starbucks.”

Eren laughed, loud and bubbly, and Levi looked up at him with wide eyes. The moment pulled at Eren’s heart. The beautiful man had a mouth - unexpected,

but greatly appreciated. “Oh man, we’ve got another hipster on our hands,” the barista teased, gently elbowing Mikasa in the side. She was unresponsive. She was now cranking at the register with a flathead screwdriver.

Levi looked offended. “I’m not a _hipster_ , I just hate Starbucks with a burning passion.”

“Hipster,” Eren repeated with a shit-eating grin.

“If you call me that again I’m never coming back here.”

Eren took the threat very seriously, quickly saying, “Dude, I’m just kidding. I hate Starbucks too. They're all a bunch of jerkwad lame-o’s.”

Levi just looked at him for a second. “Jerkwad lame-o’s?”

“Yeah, jerkwad lame-o’s.” Eren repeated, and Levi rolled his eyes. “I can't swear at work,” he added.

Before Levi had a chance to reply, the till of the cash register came flying open with a bang. Mikasa let out a sigh of relief. Her fingers were beet red, and she immediately stormed off, mumbling something about Erwin being a cheapskate. Eren yelled after her, thanking her, but she was already in the back room of the kitchen. He turned back to Levi.

“I guess I can take your money now.”

Once that was taken care of, Eren had to run into the kitchen to pour the tea, since Mikasa had, understandably, left him. He came back after only a few seconds though, cradling a small,

steaming to-go cup in his hands.

“Looks like Armin saw what was happening and made your tea already, so you here you go.” Eren handed Levi his drink personally, which he'd never done before since he was almost always on the register. Levi’s finger brushed against his thumb when he went to grab it. The contact affected Eren way more than it should've. He could feel his ears turning red as he said, “Have a good day, Levi! See you soon!”

Levi’s hand twitched at the sound of his name being said by the barista. Eren smiled at the little wave the man gave him before walking away.

  


**30.**

A few weeks passed, and Levi had continued to stop by the cafe nearly every day. Some days he even came in earlier than usually and got his tea for here instead of to go. Eren loved these days the most, because he could sneak glances at the man as he read his book, or tapped his feet to a song playing through the cafe speakers, or sipped from his teacup in that strange way that he does. If he wasn't already bright and cheery, the moment Levi walked into the cafe, Eren would light up like the sun. His coworkers had noticed too, and they did not keep it a secret from him. They teased the brunet barista with the most fluffy, horribly romantic nicknames that they could come up with. But little did they know, all the pet names were useful to Eren.

The barista had found himself thinking about Levi more and more each time they spoke. He thought about the way Levi had gradually started to look at him more instead of the menu. The way his hair hung in front of his eyes sometimes, and how badly he wanted to tuck it behind his ear for him. The way his glare lightened slightly whenever he said something that made Eren laugh. Eren had even gotten him to smile once, and he thought about that _a lot_.

On one of his Friday drives home from work, he was stuck in traffic and found that all the radio stations were playing uninteresting music or talk shows. His mind of course wandered to Levi, and he began to realize how much the song stuck in his head reminded him of the cute little shit. As he went through each line, warmth rippling from his chest with each connection he made, he flipped between stations until one of his presets caught his attention.

“ _-take a couple requests, so get off your lazy asses and call in,_ ” he caught the DJ saying. He couldn't help but wonder if Levi was driving home from work right now too, and if he listened to the radio when he was stuck in traffic like this. Did he listen to this station? The questions bounced around in Eren’s head as some punk rock song he didn't know started to play.

What if Levi _did_ listen to this station? Wouldn't it be the cutest thing if he requested the song he was thinking about and dedicated it to Levi, and Levi heard it? His heart warmed at the thought. He reached into the cup holder and grabbed his phone, quickly dialing the number that the DJ repeated five times, “for all the idiots out there who can't remember 10 simple numbers,” as he put it. Instead of a dial tone, like he was expecting, Eren got a cheery woman’s voice.

_“Hi there! If all goes well, you're about to be live with Kenny the Ripper. Can I get your first name, age, city, and song request?”_

“Uh,” Eren so gracefully muttered. To put it simply, he was caught off guard. He’d never gotten anything but a dial tone from calling contests like these, and he managed to get on a line in _rush_ _hour_. It must have been his lucky day.

 _“We’ve only got ‘til this song ends, babe. I suggest you pull yourself together,”_ the women urged.

And pull himself together, Eren did. He quickly told her what she wanted to know, plus the person he wanted to dedicate the song too, who, after some stuttering, he decided to call _the hot stranger_. It was a shitty nickname, and he realized it, but at least he was making the gesture. At least the women approved of it, if her laughter and compliments were anything to go by. Once the song ended, she transferred him over to the DJ. Hearing the Ripper’s deep, harsh voice coming from his phone and his car speakers was a strange, confusing sensation.

_“So my lovely, incompetent bastard, Hanji, should be giving the the info on our caller any second now. Hanji… Hanji, you fly-ridden hippo’s ass, what the ever loving fuck are you doing? Hanji-!”_

There was a crash in the studio, followed by a squeal and some cackling only a witch would be jealous of. Eren couldn't help but laugh. He heard his chuckle echo through his car speakers.

 _“Don’t fucking laugh at this, caller. This is a disaster.”_ There was another squeal, a much louder bang, some paper crinkling, and the Ripper sighed. _“Thank God this is satellite radio. So, I can finally reveal that our caller’s name is Eren, spelled E-R-E-N, which is very fucking strange. He’s calling from Shiganshina, which is also very fucking strange, since I didn't realize people in Shiganshina even knew what satellite radio was. He’s a baby, only 21, and he’s-”_ The Ripper pauses. _“Fucking- Hanji! What the hell? We don't play this kind of music!”_

 _“I thought it was cute, sir,”_ the woman says.

_“Sure, it's fucking adorable, but that's no excuse. Eren, explain yourself and I might spare you.”_

Eren clears his throat and chuckles awkwardly. He has to turn the radio down. Hearing the Ripper’s voice two ways is too much. “Well, there's just this person I see everyday. They're really quiet and funny and interesting and, well, hot. Really hot, but I don't really know them, so I thought I’d dedicate this song to them in hopes that they hear it.”

There’s silence for a moment. The Ripper clears his throat.

 _“That’s the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard,”_ he eventually says.

 _“But isn't it so cute?”_ Hanji argues. _“This kid’s such a romantic! It’s refreshing!”_

 _“Yeah, so refreshing. Like taking a nice, big shit after a long day. One that stinks up the entire house, it’s aroma seeping into every inch of fabric. That's how_ refreshing _it is.”_

_“You're being mean to this sweetheart, you realize that, right?”_

“I won't take it personally,” I chime in. “You're Kenny the Ripper, probably one of the crudest radio hosts in history. I'd be an idiot if I wasn't expecting this.” While waiting to be put on the air, Eren had tried to prepare himself to take every possible insult the Ripper could give him. He kept telling himself that if it was for Levi, it would be worth it. Hanji tried to compliment Eren in some other way, but the Ripper cut her off.

 _“Yeah, okay, I’m done with this. Here’s Stevie’s “I Just Called to Say I Love You” dedicated to-”_ He sighed. _“-to the hot stranger by Eren from Shiganshina. May your sex be tainted in such a way that every time you orgasm, your eyes are filled with this image: Stevie Wonder riding a dolphin naked, covered in chunky, half frozen gravy, through an ocean of old men’s pus. Best regards, Kenny the Ripper.”_

 

**26.**

The following Monday, Levi looked at the menu more than usual.

“So how did that party go?” Eren asked him while very slowly writing his order down. “Did your friend forcing you to go pay off?”

Levi stared intently at the tea options. “No, it did not pay off in the slightest. Her and my other friend both got drunk off their asses and I had to drive them home.”

“Oh.” Eren paused his scribbling and frowned. “Well, that was nice of you.”

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut, like just the thought of the party was giving him a headache. “I got groped in place I didn't even know it was possible to be groped- by my best friends.”

“Oh,” Eren said again. “That must've been uncomfortable.” He quickly totaled Levi up before thoughts of groping him took over his mind. Levi handed him a credit card without bothering to look up from his wallet. Eren swiped it, purposely getting a bad read on a few swipes and generally taking his sweet ass time, despite the small line forming behind Levi. “Speaking of parties, I know you don't normally come in on the weekends, but we’re having this tea festival thing at the end of the month and I think you'd really like it.”

That finally got Levi to look at him. “And why is that?” he asked, his voice mellow and smooth as usual. Eren’s heart skipped a beat.

“You just really like tea, it seems like. And it's about educating people on all the different kinds of tea. You’d get all the free samples your bladder can handle.” Eren went looking around for a flyer, intentionally forgetting where his boss had put them so he had time to tell Levi the specifics of the event. “You should come!” he said when he _finally_ found one and handed it to Levi. “I got double shifts that day, so I work during the day as usual, but in the evening too. I'm guessing we’re expecting a big turn out or something. It’d really help cure my boredom to see as many familiar faces as possible. You know, one's who don’t work with me.”

Levi studied the flyer, then glanced up at Eren’s charming, smiling face. His look of possible interest suddenly turned into something else. Something… not good. “Yeah, I’ll think about it. Thanks,” he said quietly, glaring at the piece of paper. He grabbed his receipt and credit card from Eren and headed towards the other end of the counter to wait for his tea _to-go_.

 

**21.**

Calling into Kenny the Ripper’s show during the evening rush had become a new habit of Eren’s. He got a dial tone most of the time, but once or twice a week Hanji would answer and he’d get to request his songs for Levi. They were the cheesiest, most cliche love songs in the world, dedicated to the mystery person with the cheesiest, most cliche code names submitted by Eren’s coworkers. Hanji was delighted every time she happened to pick up Eren. She was getting a kick out of the whole basically nonexistent love story, and apparently the show’s audience was too. Their ratings were higher than ever. Hanji had even mentioned reserving a spot for Eren during the evening rush, so he would be guaranteed his song request. That idea didn't go over too well with the Ripper though. Hanji told Eren that every time the Ripper was informed that the 22-year-old Eren from Shiganshina would be requesting a song, one of the protruding veins would burst in his forehead. Metaphorically, of course. In other words, he was pissed for some reason. Hanji had never known him to be one who gets so grumpy when exposed to other people’s relationships. Normally, he would entertain himself wildly by teasing the love birds. But that wasn't the case with Eren and his infatuation with the hot stranger.

Eren did feel a little bad. It was the Ripper’s show, after all. He didn't want to ruin it for him, and he definitely didn't want to get on his bad side. But the feeling he got when requesting sweet songs for “the cafe cutie pie” or “little hot pants” crushed his sympathy for the Ripper. It was a similar feeling to the chest-fluttering of liking your crush’s posts on social media. It was like giving them a little signal- a signal that they will never notice and will never mean anything to them.

Eren thought some more about this as he cleaned up a coffee spill on the back counter. The cafe was relatively quiet this morning, only a few customers drifting in and out. Most of the other employees were either in the back or setting up the new tables outside. He swiped the cappuccino-soaked rag back and forth to the steady thump of the music. It was Thursday, so he had control of the speakers. He knew every word, every instrument, every tempo change of the current song by heart. As soon the beat kicked in, he started moving the rag rapidly and jumping up and down, his hair and apron flying around.

“Having fun?” a voice like velvet said from behind him. Eren whipped around and met the deep, gray eyes of Levi. Every inch of his skin seemed to blush.

“Uh, oh my God, Levi. Hi!” Eren rushed out. He threw the rag into the sink (probably missing, but what did he care?) and bounced over to the front counter. “Pretend you didn’t see that,” he commanded with a smile.

A smirk fought at Levi’s lips. “I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think that’s possible.”

“No, I’m serious. Never mention that to anyone ever.”

“Sure thing.”

“ _Levi_.”

“Good song.” Levi motioned to the speakers, changing the subject with expertise. If he’s learned anything about Eren within the past month or so, it’s that the best way to distract him is to mention music. He will talk about music for eternity.

“Yeah? You know them?” Eren said way too eagerly.

Levi nodded. “Probably my favorite song by them. Not the best album though.”

Eren put a hand on the cash register, as if to steady himself from the excitement. “Yes, agreed! This album sucks compared to their other ones. Dude, I thought I was the only one who thought that.”

“You should talk to my friends. They’re all aboard the sophomore slump train as well.”

Eren stretched his other arm out to place his hand on a coffee machine. He didn’t notice Levi eying his biceps. “Seriously?! That’s so cool! I don’t know, I just think the lyrics are pretty mediocre across the whole album. And this song is definitely a stand-out, but the chorus- _the chorus-_ what happened to the lead guitar?! It completely drowns out the bass, and the bass is awesome! They just- they fucked it up-”

“Watch your mouth, Eren,” a quiet but powerful voice said from the back. One of the other baristas, specifically the girl who always fixed the cash register, came out of the kitchen and started piling up dirty dishes from the front counter. Eren’s eyes suddenly lit up.

“I almost forgot!” He draped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his side. “Me and Mikasa are going to see them live in a few months!” Mikasa made the rock and roll sign with her fingers, a little smile pulling at her lips.

The softness Levi’s expression had gained when talking to Eren was gone. “I heard that show sold out in three minutes,” he said coldly. His glare was focused on Eren’s hand, which was absentmindedly tugging at Mikasa’s hair.

“He has an insane amount of determination,” Mikasa said, nudging Eren in the side. “It’s his favorite band.”

“With my favorite girl,” Eren added. He ruffled her hair, then glanced over at Levi excitedly. It looked like one of the veins in his forehead was going to burst.

“Can I get my usual?” he ordered, causing their smiles to quickly fade. Eren removed his arm from Mikasa and stumbled around, trying to find a pad and pen.

“Sorry, Levi. Sometimes I forget you actually come here to buy something. I just like talking to you so much!” He said it calmly and casually and with a sweet smile, but Levi was glaring at the menu.

 

About half an hour later, Eren headed outside to go for a quick walk during his break. It was the time when spring was shifting into summer, which meant beautiful weather for their area. Eren left the cafe, took a few steps out, then noticed a small, familiar figure sitting in one of the new outdoor tables. He turned to face him and caught him staring. Levi immediately scowled at the table.

“Yo, Levi.” Eren said, taking a seat in the chair across from him. He’d never seen Levi like this- in the natural light, shaded by a cafe-themed umbrella. He seemed to glow. Sunshine reflected in his eyes. Eren could see a few out-of-place eyebrow hairs, a few flecks of chapped skin on his lips. He was so beautiful.

“Hi,” he said quietly.

Eren hesitated in asking his question, because he didn’t want to make Levi mad, but he needed to know. He needed him to know that he cared about him, as more than just a customer. “Are you alright?”

Levi nodded, almost instinctively.

“You just seem a little down today,” Eren continued.

“I’m great. Don’t worry about.”

“But I am worrying about it! I consider you a friend, Levi. I’m worrying about it.”

Levi held his head up and looked back at Eren, whose insides fluttered at the eye contact. Eren wished he could’ve said more- could’ve said, “I consider you as _more than_ a friend,” but the rational side of him knew that was too much. They had barely talked. They barely knew each other, really. He was just a person that came to his work a lot, and they happened to converse occasionally. Levi probably never even thought about him.

“My car just broke down this morning,” Levi said after a while. “It was a little frustrating, but overall not a big deal, really.”

A spark of hope flashed within Eren. “Oh man, I’m sorry. My buddy can take a look at it, if you want-”

“No, that’s not necessary. It’s fine now. Thank you, though. Eren.” With a glance at his phone, and a hint of a smile, he starts to stand up. “I probably should be heading into work now. My coworker is always giving me shit because I’m late. I say, if you work into the night, you shouldn’t be showing up until at least noon. _At least_.”

“Yuck, you get night shifts? That really sucks.”

“I guess. See you tomorrow for more of those dance moves.”

Eren just laughs as Levi walks away to find his car. He calls after him, “I fucking told you! Don’t ever speak of that again!”

  


**3.**

Eren had to find some other way to deal with his infatuation. For some people, writing worked. Not for Eren. For some people, drawing worked. Not for Eren. For some people, sleeping around worked. Not for Eren. Those only got him ink stains on his hands and bruises on his thighs, and still left him with Levi on his mind. Getting on air with Kenny the Ripper was becoming difficult and stressful since his popularity grew, but it was the only solution that actually made Eren feel better. It was like proclaiming his feelings to the world, letting everything out, telling everyone but Levi how he felt. He wanted him to know, though. He wanted to sing Levi every love song known to man, because Eren was a disgusting, hopeless romantic like that. But he couldn’t tell him. Not because he was nervous, no. Eren Yeager wasn’t scared of _anything._ It was because Levi was distancing himself from him.

Eren wasn’t _completely_ oblivious. He noticed how Levi hardly looked at him anymore. He noticed his permanent glare. He noticed how he stopped ordering “the usual” and went back to ordering “an English breakfast with lemon.” He noticed how he didn’t show up at all somedays.

And so his song requests got even more sappy.

“You Are So Beautiful”

“(Everything I Do) Do It for You”

“Maybe I’m Amazed”

“The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face”

Hanji ate Eren’s heartache up. Privately off the air, she pried every bit of information from him except his crush’s name. She really felt for him. The Ripper, on the other hand, felt like tearing him limb from limb. When Eren went as far as requesting “I’ll Make Love to You” for “my unattainable angel,” and Hanji actually let him on the air, the Ripper couldn’t take it anymore.

 _“Alright, someone needs to put an end to this, and apparently it’s gonna have to be me,”_ the Ripper said when he got the information. Hanji started to whine in protest, but he ignored her. _“Is this person you’re jacking off to fifty times a day really a stranger, Eren?”_

The Ripper had never asked Eren a genuine question before. It caught him off guard. “Uh, yes, sir- Kind of,” he stuttered. “Maybe more of an acquaintance, sir.”

The Ripper cleared his throat. _“Then you need to just fuck them, or kiss them, or, for Christ’s sake, just talk to them. This is getting too pathetic for me to handle. The worst thing that could happen: they completely reject you, which would frankly be hilarious and the best case scenario for me. You’d be sad for a while. You’d get over it. The best thing that could happen: You get laid. Good advice, right? Who knew I was a love guru? Now stop fucking calling my show.”_

The Ripper was about to end the call, but Eren spoke up, his voice weak and defeated. “Thank you for letting me do this so many times, Ripper and Hanji. I just think this person is so witty and smart and beautiful, and I’m so charmed by them. I miss talking to them every day. They deserve to have all the love songs in the world played for them.”

And at that, the Ripper hung up.

  


**2.**

It was two days before the tea festival thing, and Eren’s boss had threatened him with his job if he didn't show up at 4am to start preparing. So he was already stressed out enough when Levi came storming into the cafe at 11am. Eren had never seen Levi storm before. The tiny man bolted up to the counter and stood in front of him, crossing his arms in front of his chest and glowering at the fidgety, golden-eyed barista. His outfit was neat and tidy, as usual, but his inky undercut was a wreck, as if he'd been messing with it way too much. The cafe was nearly empty, since it was too late for breakfast and too early for lunch. Eren was the only employee at the front. He could hear Levi’s foot tapping impatiently.

“Who’s the girl?” he blurted, louder than Eren had ever heard him speak. It didn’t even register with Eren that he could reply until Levi started waving a hand in front of his face.

“What?” Eren eventually said.

“I need to find whoever you’re so obsessed with and kill her, because she’s making you insufferable,” Levi replied, his normally smooth-as-molasses voice littered with imperfections. “I couldn’t take it anymore! Who is she? Who in the world could be so fucking magical that someone as wonderful as you could be reduced to a broken Valentine’s Day record?”

His words echoed around the room. The way Levi was talking reminded Eren of someone, but he couldn't figure out who. Eren stared, the gears in his head slowly clicking into place, one by one. He took a small step away from the counter. “Have you heard me on the radio?”

Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I’ve heard you way too much.”

“You could've just changed the station if you didn't like it,” Eren said, laughing softly in an attempt to hide his growing embarrassment.

Levi cleared his throat, making his voice harsh and piercing, but remaining just as deep. “No, I couldn't, shit-for-brains.”

The last gear clicked, and oh my God, Eren felt like taking a few steps to the left and sticking his head in a coffee machine. “Holy _shit_ , you're Kenny the Ripper,” he whined, sticking his head in his hands instead.

“Correct.”

Eren groaned in pure humiliation. “You don't sound like him at all normally!”

“That's the point of having a radio personality. I change my voice and unleash my inner asshole. I’m not supposed to sound like myself.”

Eren groaned again and let his face fall to the counter. “I’m such an idiot.” He felt a small hand pat the top of his head. His pulse sounded in his ears.

“I don't think you're an idiot,” Levi hushed, returning to his usual voice. He let a few of his fingers stroke through the barista’s hair. “Your brain is just clogged with disgusting affection.”

At that, Eren lifted his head up, prompting Levi to quickly pull his hand away and shove it in his pants pocket. Eren chuckled and smiled, his eyes warm with the affection the radio host had mentioned. “It’s still embarrassing,” he admitted. His face was flushed.

“Well, get over it because I’m not done interrogating you yet. Who’s the girl?”

Eren hesitated, picking up a nearby pen and flipping it around in his fingers. “There's no girl.”

“Alright, there's no point in lying to me.” Levi rested his arms on the counter and leaned closer to the restless, nervous wreck that was Eren. “I had to listen to your pining for weeks. There's a girl, and since you’ve made me so involved your little love life, I think I have the right to know who she is.”

“You don't have the right to know anything,” Eren retorted.

“Then just tell me. As a friend.”

“No!” Eren blurted, and then he ran off into the kitchen.

There was a snort from the corner of the cafe. Levi whipped around to catch one of the chefs, the girl with tied up brown hair who was always throwing food at the weird, bald boy, watching him as she watered the potted plants. She quickly dropped her job and ran into one of the back rooms, giggling to herself. Levi sighed and turned back to the counter. Frustration, disappointment, and jealousy seemed to hang over him like a fog. When Eren came stumbling out the kitchen door, he tried to not let it show.

“Armin’s preparing your tea,” the golden-eyed boy said at an unnecessarily high volume.  

“Great. I actually want one more thing today, though.”

Eren looked genuinely surprised. He stood at attention, pen and paper in hand. “Oh, wow, really? Okay, what do you want?”

“The identity of the girl you're consumed by.”

Eren slammed the pad of paper on the counter. “No!”

“Why not?”

“Because no!”

“If you're worried about me teasing you or something, I promise I’ll refrain.”

“I’m not telling you!”

“Why not?”

“Just, because! Because I can't!”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not telling you!”

“Why not?”

Eren huffed. He reached over the counter and _actually_ flicked Levi in the forehead. “You're acting like a five year old!” he accused.

Levi stayed very still for a moment, his burning glare set in stone. Eren could've swore he saw his life flash before his eyes. But then he just reciprocated, his perfectly manicured nails leaving a dent in Eren’s face. “I think _you're_ acting like a five year old.”

“I’m not telling you!” Eren yelled one last time before Armin came running out with Levi’s tea in a to go cup. Eren took the cup and whispered a very appreciative thank you. The blonde just rolled his eyes and smiled, heading back into the kitchen in a hurry.

“What if I wanted it for here?” Levi asked.

“Well you're getting it to go,” Eren replied, not daring to look up from the cup. He grabbed a pen and started shakily scribbling something on to it. The bell on the entrance rang, and Levi glared at the group of teenagers that got in line behind him. “Here. It’s on the house.” Eren handed him his tea. The cup was trembling.

“We’re not done here,” Levi argued, but reluctantly took the drink anyway. “I’m coming back.”

Eren just pointed at the door with his pen. The pen was trembling. Levi glanced at the writing on his cup.

“Little English breakfast - with some angry lemon,” he read. Eren cut him off before he could ask anymore.

“It’s a new variety. It’s got a kick. I thought you might like it,” he quickly lied. “Now get out of my cafe!”

Levi muttered, “It’s not your cafe, dickwad,” under his breath, but turned around and and left anyway. He didn't see the way Eren watched him walk away with a small, nervous smile.

  


Later, Eren was offering to sell his own home if it meant that he could get on air with the Ripper one last time.

“ _Eren, sweetie, I’m not the biggest fan of humans_ ,” Hanji said over the phone. “ _But I like you_.”

“Then let me on the show!”

“ _I’m pretty sure Kenny would throw our friendship out the window and fire me if I did that. He banned you for life! It’s super official! It’s written on a sticky note and everything!_ ”

Eren paused, various schemes running through his mind. He thought back to some of his interactions with Levi. He remembered the way the little asshole used to look at him sometimes, and how his dick thought he was surely eye-fucking him, but his mind convinced him otherwise. He remembered how pissed he looked when he called Mikasa his

girl. He’d analyzed to death the confrontation from that morning, and he realized Levi’s words seemed to scream jealousy. Eren was a lot of things, but he wasn't _completely_ oblivious. “What if I promised you that he wouldn't fire you?” he proposed.

Hanji laughed. “ _How would you do that?_ ”

“I’m usually not very confident when it comes to-” Eren spoke hesitantly, carefully choosing his words. “-to these kind of things. But I think I could get him to come to an agreement.”

“ _Babe, Kenny doesn't come to_ agreements _. It’s his way or the highway. And what could you possibly have to barter with?_ ”

Eren smirked and chuckled a little. “I’ve got something.”

“ _You’re up to no good, Eren Jaeger. I can tell!”_ Hanji said with a few disapproving clicks of her tongue.

“Just please let me on! This is really important!”

“ _No can do, snickerdoodle. I think the hip-hip station is taking call-in’s right now, too, if you wanna try there._ ”

“No, it’s gotta be this station. Please let me on! Pleaseeee! I’ll do anything,” Eren whined.

“ _You’re determination is admirable and confusing, sugarplum._ ”

“What if I told you why? What if I told you who it is? Then would you let me talk to him?” Eren could hear Hanji’s chair squeak as she leaned back into it.

“ _I’m listening._ ”

The barista sighed, his free hand white-knuckled as he gripped the steering wheel. “Can he hear you?” he muttered.

“ _Who? Kenny? No, he's got headphones on._ ”

“Okay, good. Because it’s him.”

There was silence.

“It’s Levi.”

Hanji’s chair squeaked again as she leaned forward. “ _Whaaaat?_ ” she squealed.

“He came into the cafe this morning all pissed and wanting to know what girl I was so obsessed with, and at first I thought he’d actually heard all my song requests, but then he told me he _was_ the Ripper, and-” He was cut off by Hanji’s booming laughter.

“ _Oh my God! And you have some cute, sneaky little way of telling him, right? That’s why you want on?”_

“Uh, yes, ma’am-”

“ _Well you are on, baby! I’ll do everything I can to make sure he doesn't hang up on you. Cross my heart! I’m crossing my heart right now, trust me!”_ She went on to mumble some more about how “amazing” and “priceless” the whole situation was. “ _Everything makes sense!_ ” she screeched. “ _He’s been head over heels jealous this whole time._ ”

Eren was grinning ear to ear when the song ended, and Hanji put him through to Levi.

“ _Alright what fresh meat do we have today?”_ Levi said.

“ _It’s a surprise, sir_ ,” answered Hanji.

“ _How many times do I have to tell you to get it through your thick skull? I hate surprises! Hanji- what the fuck? Hanji?!”_

_“Good thing we still had these handcuffs lying around from the sex-ed bit we did last summer! Right, Eren?”_

_“Eren?”_ Levi paused, the airwaves silent for an awkward moment. _“I banned you,”_ he muttered, much quieter than his usual radio tone.

“I know, I know, but I just needed to request one more song,” Eren said, voice shaky.

Sounds of Levi struggling against the handcuffs came through. Hanji said something about swallowing the key, to which Levi yelled, _“Bullshit.”_

“So, can I? Just one last time?”

_“Well I can't hang up on you since I’m handcuffed by my own assistant, who’s definitely getting fired, by the way, so get on with it.”_

Eren gulped and took a deep breath. “I wanna request “Toothpaste Kisses” by the the Maccabees-”

 _“Disgusting,”_ Levi budded in.

 _“Shut up!”_ Hanji hissed.

“-and I, um, I wanna dedicate it to my little English breakfast… with some angry lemon.”

 

**0.**

The tea festival was structured into tea-themed booths, so each employee ran one booth. Eren chose the English Breakfast booth, of course, which was just a cutely decorated table that he sat at the head of. The setup reminded him of a poker table, and he was the dealer- the dealer of tea. When a customer wanted a sample, they would sit down in an empty chair and listen to Eren’s short speech about the tea, then Eren would give them a little plastic cup to sip out of. So far he wasn't getting much business. English Breakfast wasn't exactly the most exciting type of tea.

Luckily, his booth was outside in front of the store, so he got to entertain himself with nature. He tried to detect when the nearby traffic light turned green by the sound of engines. He watched butterflies and bees buzz around the flowerbeds. He smiled at the little birds fluttering from tree to tree, but when he saw one lone black bird perched on a high branch, he couldn't help but frown.

He hadn't talked to Levi since he’d revealed his feelings to him. Granted, it'd only been a day, but Eren was impatient. As he sat slumped in his chair, chin in his hands, doubts flying around his head, he didn't notice a stealthy man quietly take a seat next to him.

“You gotta smile to attract customers,” he said, voice at a very personal volume.

Eren’s eyes immediately lit up. He straightened himself out and whipped around to face Levi, who looked very small with his hands under his thighs and his oversized gray button-up tee. He stared right at Eren, a hint of a smirk on his lips.

Eren tried to calm himself down. “You're one to talk,” he retorted. He tucked his bangs behind his ear with one hand and slid a cup over to Levi with the other. “Tea?”

Levi silently accepted, holding the cup in that weird way of his and taking a long sip, his eyes never leaving the barista’s face. Eren found himself blushing under his gaze. Levi slid his chair closer so he could talk even quieter.

“You're the biggest fucking dork I know, you realize that, right? And you've got some competition, being up against Hanji.”

“I’m not a dork!” He noticed a few people stare at his outburst, so he lowered his voice as well. “I just like all that romantic shit, you know?”

Levi bumped their knees together. “Dork.”

Eren laughed, lowering his head and looking over at Levi. “Why didn't you show up yesterday?”

“What? Am I required to come here every day?” Levi said defensively. It caught Eren off guard.

“No, no! I just figured you would, I don't know.”

Levi sighed, twirling a finger around in his cup. “I’m not used to this kind of thing, Eren.” He glanced up at the worry in his golden eyes. “It's been years. Ever since the radio show picked up, I just haven't had time.”

“That's fine-”

“Fucking hell, look at you! I never would've expected-” He paused to motion back and forth between him and Eren. “-this. I thought you had it for that Mikasa girl.”

Eren chuckled and grinned at Levi, admiration written all over his face. “I love Mikasa, but not in that way.” He inched his hand over to Levi’s leg and brushed his fingers over his thigh. “You're my little English Breakfast.”

“And you're disgusting,” Levi muttered, faint color blossoming on his cheeks. He took his free hand and grazed the tips of his fingers over Eren’s knuckles. “Do people still go on dates? Or should I just kiss the shit out of you during your break?”

The golden-eyed boy looked at Levi in surprise, just to find him staring right back. He was serious, and Eren’s stomach flipped excitedly. “I mean, dates are nice, yeah, but I kinda like the second idea,” he suggested hesitantly. “I get my lunch break in fifteen minutes.”

“Oh, what did you bring for lunch?”

Eren shrugged. “Just some fruit and  a sandwich, but-” The eye contact Levi was giving him suddenly became very heated. He squeezed Eren’s hand and slowly started leading it further up his thigh, and boy, did Eren get the message. He subtly licked his lips. “-but I think I found something that might be tastier.”

Levi laughed, _actually_ laughed, and stood up, ruffling Eren’s hair. “Again, disgusting.”

“Hey, you were asking for it and you know it!”

The radio host rolled his eyes knowingly as he walked away. “I’ll be waiting.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! kudos/comments make me really happy (✿◠‿◠)
> 
> [main blog](http://sleeption.tumblr.com/) [anime blog](http://decemberseptember.tumblr.com/)  
> [writing blog](http://equinope.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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